A Life Full of Paradox
Friday, March 27, 2009
1 Year
It's been a year.
That's just about it.
It's been a year...
Since I wrote (these types of) blog entries.
It's been a year...
Since I experienced the wonders of gender.
It's been a year...
Since I have gone through these things.
It's been a year...
Since I failed to contain my emotions.
It's been a year...
Since I resorted to putting up this blog to express myself...
It's been a year...
Changes have occured.
I have known myself better.
I have expressed myself more.
Life has never been this different.
It's been a year...
That's just about it.
It's been a year...
I am happier...
That's just about it...
That's just about it.
It's been a year...
Since I wrote (these types of) blog entries.
It's been a year...
Since I experienced the wonders of gender.
It's been a year...
Since I have gone through these things.
It's been a year...
Since I failed to contain my emotions.
It's been a year...
Since I resorted to putting up this blog to express myself...
It's been a year...
Changes have occured.
I have known myself better.
I have expressed myself more.
Life has never been this different.
It's been a year...
That's just about it.
It's been a year...
I am happier...
That's just about it...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Ordinary Day
My birthday was just another ordinary day for me; I planned to spend it alone, which I did.
I had an appointment with my friends early that morning. I just ate biscuits for breakfast and headed straight to school. I met up with my friends for another pre-graduation stuff. We finished everything we had to do before 11am. After that, I told my friends that I had to go. Actually, I had no no idea where to go or what to do; all I had in mind was to spend my birthday alone.
I went to Ortigas. I don't know how I arrived to the decision to go there, my feet just brought me there. I only had my pack of Marlboro lights and my lighter. I ate a box of mojos and a drink a can of coke; I wasn't really hungry so I just bought those fried potatoes (or baked? FRIED! I'm not sure! Hell!).
I walked around Robinsons. With no where to go, I walked, walked, and walked some more. Later, I decided to buy SUPREME TARO ICE from quickly. I don't know why they call it supreme, believe me, it wasn't. I walked around the mall again, sometimes stopping at some interesting shops.
It was already dark when I decided to go home. I bought some potato chips and a bottle of iced tea from a convenience store. I got home late; no one was still up to greet me or anything, but I was surprised to see a box of chocolate cake on the table. Although, they didn't really bother to wait for me and already took three or four slices, I still appreciated it. I didn't know that my family still consider the day special-- apparently, they still do (I think?).
I'm already old; I don't want any fancy birthday celebration; I don't even want any celebration at all. I don't like birthdays, especially mine. People regard it as a special your special day, but I don't agree with them. It is just the day you were born; it's as simple as that. Maybe, I'm just bitter 'cause I don't get birthday presents on my birthday, and this year was no different.
I had an appointment with my friends early that morning. I just ate biscuits for breakfast and headed straight to school. I met up with my friends for another pre-graduation stuff. We finished everything we had to do before 11am. After that, I told my friends that I had to go. Actually, I had no no idea where to go or what to do; all I had in mind was to spend my birthday alone.
I went to Ortigas. I don't know how I arrived to the decision to go there, my feet just brought me there. I only had my pack of Marlboro lights and my lighter. I ate a box of mojos and a drink a can of coke; I wasn't really hungry so I just bought those fried potatoes (or baked? FRIED! I'm not sure! Hell!).
I walked around Robinsons. With no where to go, I walked, walked, and walked some more. Later, I decided to buy SUPREME TARO ICE from quickly. I don't know why they call it supreme, believe me, it wasn't. I walked around the mall again, sometimes stopping at some interesting shops.
It was already dark when I decided to go home. I bought some potato chips and a bottle of iced tea from a convenience store. I got home late; no one was still up to greet me or anything, but I was surprised to see a box of chocolate cake on the table. Although, they didn't really bother to wait for me and already took three or four slices, I still appreciated it. I didn't know that my family still consider the day special-- apparently, they still do (I think?).
I'm already old; I don't want any fancy birthday celebration; I don't even want any celebration at all. I don't like birthdays, especially mine. People regard it as a special your special day, but I don't agree with them. It is just the day you were born; it's as simple as that. Maybe, I'm just bitter 'cause I don't get birthday presents on my birthday, and this year was no different.
Labels: birthday
Monday, April 14, 2008
DEADLINE!!!
I have reached my deadline. In a little while, one more year will be added to my age.
Not a long time ago, I told myself that by the time I reach this age, I would finally decide; I would finally answer the dreaded one million dollar question:
Am I gay or not?
Apparently, I still don't have a definite answer. But as I get older, as years pass by, and and as it gets harder for me to reveal my age to other people, I gain more experiences, more knowledge, most of all, I discover more about me.
Still, I don't have the answer. I hope I can play Ryan Seacrest and promise to give the answer... AFTER the BREAK, but more than two decades of existence is enough break.
I'm not forcing myself. I am still young. (I am! Remember, it's my birthday!) I'm giving myself a little more time. No one's forcing me to give the answer right now, there is no time to beat, there is no buzzer that will signal time's up-- I can have all the time to discover more of myself... I will get there in no time!
Ha! Mapapasakin din ang isang milyong dolyar na yan!
Not a long time ago, I told myself that by the time I reach this age, I would finally decide; I would finally answer the dreaded one million dollar question:
Am I gay or not?
Apparently, I still don't have a definite answer. But as I get older, as years pass by, and and as it gets harder for me to reveal my age to other people, I gain more experiences, more knowledge, most of all, I discover more about me.
Still, I don't have the answer. I hope I can play Ryan Seacrest and promise to give the answer... AFTER the BREAK, but more than two decades of existence is enough break.
I'm not forcing myself. I am still young. (I am! Remember, it's my birthday!) I'm giving myself a little more time. No one's forcing me to give the answer right now, there is no time to beat, there is no buzzer that will signal time's up-- I can have all the time to discover more of myself... I will get there in no time!
Ha! Mapapasakin din ang isang milyong dolyar na yan!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Something Light...
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28
(***Sinabi ko sa sarili ko, masyado nang seryoso yung mga nakalipas kong blog entry, kaya ngayon susubukan kong magkwento ng mas magaan. Yun ba yun 'pag ang ibig sabihin ko ay "light" yung "less serious" ba. Pero hindi ko mapigilan, magdrama, maglabas ng sama ng loob, magsabi ng nararamdaman; kaya para maiba lang, gagamit ako ng wikang Tagalog para dito.)
Sa mga nakalipas na araw, linggo, at mga buwan halos paulit-ulit na lang ang laman ng aking mga panalangin. Siguro nga kung may recorder si Lord, nirecord niya na lang yung mga prayers ko at ipplay sa Ipod niya para hindi na ko mapagod.
"Lord, pagod na po ako. Kung hindi pa po kayo naririndi sa mga panalangin ko, alam niyo na po malamang ang hihingin ko sa inyo. Sabi niyo po sa lahat ng napapagod handa kayong magbigay ng pahinga, pero sa ngayon po hindi pahinga ang kailangan ko, kundi kasagutan sa mga katanungan ko."
Walang halong biro, ganito palagi ang laman ng mga panalangin ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero pakiramdam ko, pagod na pagod na ako. Ngunit tuwing hahanap ako ng comfort sa salita ng Panginoon, pakiramdam ko lalo akong naliligaw. Sabi ko nga, ako yung taong pagod na hindi pahinga ang hinahanap. Pagod na pagod na ako kaiisip, kakahanap ng kasagutan sa walang katapusang mga katanungan, sa paghahanap ng tamang daan palabas sa pagkalito at pagkaligaw. Pero hindi ko talaga sila makita, 20-20 pa naman ang vision ko noong huling check-up ko.
Hindi ako pari, pastor, monghe, o ano pa man, subalit sa ganitong paraan talaga ako pinalaki ng aking mga magulang. Isang batang may takot sa Diyos(kuno), isang bata na ang tanging takbuhan tuwing may problema at hindi kayang magsalita ay ang aking mga panalangin. Bukod dito sa aking blog, prayers lang talaga ang nagsisilbing labasan ko ng aking mga nararamdaman.
Kahit noon pa hirap na talaga akong magshare ng aking nararamdaman sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Hanggang ngayon takot pa rin ako sa mga sasabihin nila. Hanggang blog na lang talaga ata ako. Dito, walang nakakakilala sa akin, at sana, dito, walang manghuhusga sa akin.
Lumaki ako sa simbahan, sa sunday school, at kasama ang aking buong pamilya tuwing pupunta kaming church. Linggo-linggo nakakarinig ako ng salita ng Diyos. Hindi ko pinagdududahan ang relihiyong kinabibilangan ko, lalo na ang Diyos na kinikilala ko, pero minsan naiisip ko na iba siguro ang takbo ng buhay ko kung hindi ako lumaki sa simbahan. Hindi ko alam kung mas mapapabuti o mas mapapasama, pero malamang ibang tao ako ngayon.
Mahirap para sa akin na lumaki at mahubog ang pagkatao sa loob ng simbahan. Marami kang bagay na matututunang bitawan, marami kang matutuklasang mali sa 'yo, maraming mga bagay na madalas mahihirapan ka talagang sang-ayunan-- at ilan ito sa mga bagay na nakapag-papabigat sa aking damdamin.
Mahirap at nakakapagod-- higit sa lahat nakakalito.
Hindi pa rin nagbabago at nababawasan ang aking pananampalataya sa aking Panginoon. Patuloy pa rin akong mananalangin.
Alam ko hindi magtatagal tatanggalin na ng Panginoon ang earphones niya
at magdodownload na siya ng panibagong panalangin mula sa aking database.
Idedelete na niya sa kaniyang Ipod ang mga luma kong panalangin
dahil naibigay niya na ang kasagutan sa mga ito.
Darating na rin yun, malapit na... alam ko.
(***Pasensiya na kung medyo religious ang tema ng blog post na ito.
Ito po naman ay akin lamang, hindi kayo dapat maniwala,
at hindi rin naman ako nagrerecruit ng mga bagong miyembro para sa aming simbahan.
Pasensiya na kung magulo.)
Matthew 11:28
(***Sinabi ko sa sarili ko, masyado nang seryoso yung mga nakalipas kong blog entry, kaya ngayon susubukan kong magkwento ng mas magaan. Yun ba yun 'pag ang ibig sabihin ko ay "light" yung "less serious" ba. Pero hindi ko mapigilan, magdrama, maglabas ng sama ng loob, magsabi ng nararamdaman; kaya para maiba lang, gagamit ako ng wikang Tagalog para dito.)
Sa mga nakalipas na araw, linggo, at mga buwan halos paulit-ulit na lang ang laman ng aking mga panalangin. Siguro nga kung may recorder si Lord, nirecord niya na lang yung mga prayers ko at ipplay sa Ipod niya para hindi na ko mapagod.
"Lord, pagod na po ako. Kung hindi pa po kayo naririndi sa mga panalangin ko, alam niyo na po malamang ang hihingin ko sa inyo. Sabi niyo po sa lahat ng napapagod handa kayong magbigay ng pahinga, pero sa ngayon po hindi pahinga ang kailangan ko, kundi kasagutan sa mga katanungan ko."
Walang halong biro, ganito palagi ang laman ng mga panalangin ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero pakiramdam ko, pagod na pagod na ako. Ngunit tuwing hahanap ako ng comfort sa salita ng Panginoon, pakiramdam ko lalo akong naliligaw. Sabi ko nga, ako yung taong pagod na hindi pahinga ang hinahanap. Pagod na pagod na ako kaiisip, kakahanap ng kasagutan sa walang katapusang mga katanungan, sa paghahanap ng tamang daan palabas sa pagkalito at pagkaligaw. Pero hindi ko talaga sila makita, 20-20 pa naman ang vision ko noong huling check-up ko.
Hindi ako pari, pastor, monghe, o ano pa man, subalit sa ganitong paraan talaga ako pinalaki ng aking mga magulang. Isang batang may takot sa Diyos(kuno), isang bata na ang tanging takbuhan tuwing may problema at hindi kayang magsalita ay ang aking mga panalangin. Bukod dito sa aking blog, prayers lang talaga ang nagsisilbing labasan ko ng aking mga nararamdaman.
Kahit noon pa hirap na talaga akong magshare ng aking nararamdaman sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Hanggang ngayon takot pa rin ako sa mga sasabihin nila. Hanggang blog na lang talaga ata ako. Dito, walang nakakakilala sa akin, at sana, dito, walang manghuhusga sa akin.
Lumaki ako sa simbahan, sa sunday school, at kasama ang aking buong pamilya tuwing pupunta kaming church. Linggo-linggo nakakarinig ako ng salita ng Diyos. Hindi ko pinagdududahan ang relihiyong kinabibilangan ko, lalo na ang Diyos na kinikilala ko, pero minsan naiisip ko na iba siguro ang takbo ng buhay ko kung hindi ako lumaki sa simbahan. Hindi ko alam kung mas mapapabuti o mas mapapasama, pero malamang ibang tao ako ngayon.
Mahirap para sa akin na lumaki at mahubog ang pagkatao sa loob ng simbahan. Marami kang bagay na matututunang bitawan, marami kang matutuklasang mali sa 'yo, maraming mga bagay na madalas mahihirapan ka talagang sang-ayunan-- at ilan ito sa mga bagay na nakapag-papabigat sa aking damdamin.
Mahirap at nakakapagod-- higit sa lahat nakakalito.
Hindi pa rin nagbabago at nababawasan ang aking pananampalataya sa aking Panginoon. Patuloy pa rin akong mananalangin.
Alam ko hindi magtatagal tatanggalin na ng Panginoon ang earphones niya
at magdodownload na siya ng panibagong panalangin mula sa aking database.
Idedelete na niya sa kaniyang Ipod ang mga luma kong panalangin
dahil naibigay niya na ang kasagutan sa mga ito.
Darating na rin yun, malapit na... alam ko.
(***Pasensiya na kung medyo religious ang tema ng blog post na ito.
Ito po naman ay akin lamang, hindi kayo dapat maniwala,
at hindi rin naman ako nagrerecruit ng mga bagong miyembro para sa aming simbahan.
Pasensiya na kung magulo.)
Friday, April 11, 2008
I'm an emo... at least for a while
I hate emo kids. I just hate them. I don't know why, I just hate them.
I think some "emos" are just way over the top. But not all of them of course...
"ooooh! kulang ang baon ko ngayon, maglalaslas na ko ng pulso!"
"My girlfrend dumped me, asan ang baygon! iinumin ko!"
"The world hates me! I'm a nobody!"
"Naipit ang paa ko sa pinto kanina, bobo ako, pagsara lang ng pinto di ko pa alam"
"Malungkot ang aso namin, dapat malungkot din ako!"
Fine! Those were exaggerations .
But there are also times I envy them. It is very easy for them to express their emotions. They don't think about norms and stereotypes, which is my exact opposite. I always think of other people's reactions, my parents' expectations, my friends' perceptions, just about everything. I feel contained inside a see through peanut butter jar. I am bounded by a thin layer of glass; one impurity can cause other people to throw me away.
I have always tried to live up to other people's expectations. I don't want to fail anybody, especially my parents. But right now, I am reaching that point where I just don't care at all. I keep on telling myself, don't worry, just be yourself, you know who you are, don't worry about what other people may say. But I can't help it. This world is a world of stereotypes. Before you know it, you they already consider you as an outcast, a retard, abnormal... DIFFERENT-- when all along you are just special.
I am special! That's what I call myself. I locked myself inside my room, turned my radio on, and thought of how special I am. I am so special I can break stereotypes. I am so special that I can cry... cry like a baby... cry like an emo kid would... not thinking of what other people might say.
Of course! I was inside my room, nobody can see me. I wiped my tears, wore my happy face mask again, and pretended to be somebody else again... adhering to the norms of this society, trying to live up to other people's expectations...
Kailan kaya ako mabibili sa estanteng kinalalagyan ko,
kailan kaya mabubuksan ang botelyang pinagkakalagyan ko,
kailan ako makakawala... kailan ako magiging ako.
hindi isang bote ng peanut butter, kundi peanut butter mismo.
I think some "emos" are just way over the top. But not all of them of course...
"ooooh! kulang ang baon ko ngayon, maglalaslas na ko ng pulso!"
"My girlfrend dumped me, asan ang baygon! iinumin ko!"
"The world hates me! I'm a nobody!"
"Naipit ang paa ko sa pinto kanina, bobo ako, pagsara lang ng pinto di ko pa alam"
"Malungkot ang aso namin, dapat malungkot din ako!"
Fine! Those were exaggerations .
But there are also times I envy them. It is very easy for them to express their emotions. They don't think about norms and stereotypes, which is my exact opposite. I always think of other people's reactions, my parents' expectations, my friends' perceptions, just about everything. I feel contained inside a see through peanut butter jar. I am bounded by a thin layer of glass; one impurity can cause other people to throw me away.
I have always tried to live up to other people's expectations. I don't want to fail anybody, especially my parents. But right now, I am reaching that point where I just don't care at all. I keep on telling myself, don't worry, just be yourself, you know who you are, don't worry about what other people may say. But I can't help it. This world is a world of stereotypes. Before you know it, you they already consider you as an outcast, a retard, abnormal... DIFFERENT-- when all along you are just special.
I am special! That's what I call myself. I locked myself inside my room, turned my radio on, and thought of how special I am. I am so special I can break stereotypes. I am so special that I can cry... cry like a baby... cry like an emo kid would... not thinking of what other people might say.
Of course! I was inside my room, nobody can see me. I wiped my tears, wore my happy face mask again, and pretended to be somebody else again... adhering to the norms of this society, trying to live up to other people's expectations...
Kailan kaya ako mabibili sa estanteng kinalalagyan ko,
kailan kaya mabubuksan ang botelyang pinagkakalagyan ko,
kailan ako makakawala... kailan ako magiging ako.
hindi isang bote ng peanut butter, kundi peanut butter mismo.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Flirting on the Bus
I went to school this morning to take care of some pre-graduation stuff.
I took a bus ride and chose a comfortable seat. There weren't too much choices so I took a seat located almost at the back part of the bus. Later, a guy stood beside my chair; I knew that the bus was already full so it didn't bother me. After I paid my fare, I fell half asleep, then suddenly I felt like there was something brushing on my left leg. I realized that it was the leg of the guy standing beside me. I don't know how, but he managed to place his right leg near mine. I thought that it was only caused by the movement of the bus, but I noticed that his leg was already moving on its own. I suddenly thought that this guy could be flirting with me. I still pretended to be asleep with an evil grin on my face. I decided to flirt a little and responded to his actions. I almost hoped that the old lady beside me would get off the bus so that the flirtatious guy could sit beside me, and maybe we could do more than rub our legs together.
Before I noticed it, he already stopped. I didn't care. I was not interested on him anyway. He got off the bus a little later. And I was left still with my evil grin. Of course I didn't let him see it.
But now, I wonder about the what if's...
what if I...
what if the old lady...
what it the other passengers...
what if the flirtatious guy...
what could have happened if I...
I took a bus ride and chose a comfortable seat. There weren't too much choices so I took a seat located almost at the back part of the bus. Later, a guy stood beside my chair; I knew that the bus was already full so it didn't bother me. After I paid my fare, I fell half asleep, then suddenly I felt like there was something brushing on my left leg. I realized that it was the leg of the guy standing beside me. I don't know how, but he managed to place his right leg near mine. I thought that it was only caused by the movement of the bus, but I noticed that his leg was already moving on its own. I suddenly thought that this guy could be flirting with me. I still pretended to be asleep with an evil grin on my face. I decided to flirt a little and responded to his actions. I almost hoped that the old lady beside me would get off the bus so that the flirtatious guy could sit beside me, and maybe we could do more than rub our legs together.
Before I noticed it, he already stopped. I didn't care. I was not interested on him anyway. He got off the bus a little later. And I was left still with my evil grin. Of course I didn't let him see it.
But now, I wonder about the what if's...
what if I...
what if the old lady...
what it the other passengers...
what if the flirtatious guy...
what could have happened if I...
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Untitled
JM,
I only go to the place you call "the Movie house" for either of these two reasons: one is if I have a problem with my friends, family,or my girlfriend, or if I want to celebrate something and give myself a very much needed break. The day I met you, I was there for both reasons.
Things were constantly bugging me these past few days, which led me to write this letter. Several questions were running through my mind, and I know, I am the only one who can answer them. I needed to find myself, and I think I am getting there.
I met you during the time my life, ironically, was at its highest of highs but at also was at its lowest of lows. You found me- I found you- I didn't know that this would happen, because if I did, I could have prevented some things to happen.
I was in cloud nine, but somewhere at the middle of it was a sinking sand. It lowly pulled me down; I was strangled, and there was no way I can save myself. I was confused between two choices: put an end to all these insanity, or just enjoy while this dream lasts.
Sadly, this is not dreamland, nor is this a reality. Whatever this is, All I know is that this must end; just like how sentences end with periods, or lives with a last gasp of breath. I must pull myself out of this unstable ground.
Whatever happened between us, I can't qualify it with any category, I'd rather call it a PHYSICAL Relationship. I overheard an old lady on the bus, she was teaching valuable life lessons to a teen ager, she opened my eyes. This is the sentence that strike me and pierced my heart:
"You know, relationships should not be based on material things, on physical things, on what is only tangible."
I was lost for words in describing what was between us, and she whispered it right into my ears: it was solely PHYSICAL.
I am saying these things as if we knew each other very well. We even barely talk during the time we were together. I am not claiming ownership of you, but all I want to do is to clear gray areas and avoid any vagueness. So much has been said, all I want to happen is to cure this temporary insanity by putting the period to our sentence.
Above anything else, I want to thank you. Before, I told myself that once I bottom for someone, it is the justification that I am gay, but it did the opposite for me. You opened a big part of me, literally and metaphorically, you're old enough, you know what I mean. You justified my manhood, I thought I will find myself in a place I feared ever since. Right now, I can say I a a guy, I might have looked for perverted pleasures,, but I am not gay. It is very clear to me now. At this stage, I already know what I want, what I need, most importantly, who I am. I owe a big part of it from you.
Half joking, you asked me: Ano? Tuloy-tuloy na ba yan? I turned away, I was not prepared to give any answer, but right now, I am. I am betraying the trust and honesty of a person I can really say I love. It is just sad that I needed this scourge of pain to make me realize what I have, and what I need.
This has to be the period of our sentence. THese are short and simple sentences, ours was a complex one. I want to end this one with a bang, with an exclamation point, with all gratitude. Thank you JM! Thank you Hon, for the last time.
ML.
I only go to the place you call "the Movie house" for either of these two reasons: one is if I have a problem with my friends, family,or my girlfriend, or if I want to celebrate something and give myself a very much needed break. The day I met you, I was there for both reasons.
Things were constantly bugging me these past few days, which led me to write this letter. Several questions were running through my mind, and I know, I am the only one who can answer them. I needed to find myself, and I think I am getting there.
I met you during the time my life, ironically, was at its highest of highs but at also was at its lowest of lows. You found me- I found you- I didn't know that this would happen, because if I did, I could have prevented some things to happen.
I was in cloud nine, but somewhere at the middle of it was a sinking sand. It lowly pulled me down; I was strangled, and there was no way I can save myself. I was confused between two choices: put an end to all these insanity, or just enjoy while this dream lasts.
Sadly, this is not dreamland, nor is this a reality. Whatever this is, All I know is that this must end; just like how sentences end with periods, or lives with a last gasp of breath. I must pull myself out of this unstable ground.
Whatever happened between us, I can't qualify it with any category, I'd rather call it a PHYSICAL Relationship. I overheard an old lady on the bus, she was teaching valuable life lessons to a teen ager, she opened my eyes. This is the sentence that strike me and pierced my heart:
"You know, relationships should not be based on material things, on physical things, on what is only tangible."
I was lost for words in describing what was between us, and she whispered it right into my ears: it was solely PHYSICAL.
I am saying these things as if we knew each other very well. We even barely talk during the time we were together. I am not claiming ownership of you, but all I want to do is to clear gray areas and avoid any vagueness. So much has been said, all I want to happen is to cure this temporary insanity by putting the period to our sentence.
Above anything else, I want to thank you. Before, I told myself that once I bottom for someone, it is the justification that I am gay, but it did the opposite for me. You opened a big part of me, literally and metaphorically, you're old enough, you know what I mean. You justified my manhood, I thought I will find myself in a place I feared ever since. Right now, I can say I a a guy, I might have looked for perverted pleasures,, but I am not gay. It is very clear to me now. At this stage, I already know what I want, what I need, most importantly, who I am. I owe a big part of it from you.
Half joking, you asked me: Ano? Tuloy-tuloy na ba yan? I turned away, I was not prepared to give any answer, but right now, I am. I am betraying the trust and honesty of a person I can really say I love. It is just sad that I needed this scourge of pain to make me realize what I have, and what I need.
This has to be the period of our sentence. THese are short and simple sentences, ours was a complex one. I want to end this one with a bang, with an exclamation point, with all gratitude. Thank you JM! Thank you Hon, for the last time.
ML.
